@seedsofspells
You have no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So I've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me.
- Rumi
I grew up wishing on birthday candles, dandelions, and eyelashes for happiness. I thought that was the goal of life and that various relationships, jobs, or material things would get me there. I spent so long suppressing my sad thinking that would make me happy. In my mind, sad was bad, happy was good.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that the point of life wasn't to be happy. That might sound grim, but it's true. I'm remembering it again as I grieve my dad.
The other day, my meditation teacher offered this similar shift in perspective. We were talking about the obstacles to a daily meditation practice. I'll often find myself lost in thought, having run with a story that popped up in my mind as I sat.
I'm sure many can relate to being distracted, unsure, or maybe even a bit bored during meditation. It's this feeling of being bad at meditating that can keep us away from our seats and a daily meditation practice beyond reach.
The shift in perspective my teacher offered blew my mind. She said: "You're coming to meditation to meet yourself fully, but then you don't like that part of you."
I can't tell you how many times I've labeled my practice good or bad or told myself I was bad at meditating because I was too floaty. I also can't tell you how many times someone has told me they're bad at yoga because they can't touch their toes.
These are the stories we make up in our minds. We attach ourselves to a rigid perception of what is good or bad, and we run with it.
A while back, I used to think I was too sad, but I've learned to embrace that. I'm okay being sad. I don't want to be happy if that means not feeling the depths of my grief—if that means bypassing the pain. I know that these feelings are important. I also know that they're impermanent.
That's not to say I don't want to be happy. Happy will come back, but it's not the goal. The goal is to feel. To feel every painstaking second of life and to embrace it all. To embrace our whole selves.
So why was I sitting down in meditation trying to be good?
Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self. In other words, it's to meet ourselves fully. To become intimately acquainted with every single part of ourselves.
In my mind, that sounds lovely. It sounds like happiness and forgiveness, and acceptance. It looks like butterflies and freedom and sunshine. I imagine it feels like surrender and trust—like finally swimming with the current instead of against it.
In reality, it’s sitting in the discomfort. It's coming back to meditation time and time again, even when you're antsy or aggravated, or distracted. It's unearthing the feelings pushed deep down into corners of the body and letting them be without labeling them as good or bad—without creating a story about them.
The point of meditation isn't to be good at meditating, just as the point of the physical practice of yoga (asana) isn't to touch your toes. These practices provide space for us to be alone with ourselves, free from external distractions, so that we may separate ourselves from the stories we live in and focus on what is real.
What is real?
The breath. The sensation of your toes touching the earth. The beat of your heart.
We come back to these practices not so that we may be good or happy but so that we may experience the richness of our lives in their entirety. So that we may stay connected to what is real and true and authentic. So that we may embrace our wholeness—the good, the bad, and everything in-between. ✨
Yoga of movement ✨
There's a new set of 15-minute mix and match videos on my Kuula channel. These bite-sized movement videos are designed for all levels depending on where you're at today:
Ground 🔥 Ebb + flow through the spine
Flow 🔥🔥 Free-flowing + flying away
Grow 🔥🔥🔥 Core + balancing drills
Restore 🔥 Soothing + restorative heart openers
I'm also teaching online and in-person this week:
Tuesday ✨ Rejuvenate (45-min creative power flow)
Saturday ✨Yoga in the fields *in person* (60-min all-levels vinyasa flow)
Sunday ✨ Sunday soul (75-min dynamic flow and restorative)
Please try to sign up at least 3 hours before the start of class, and if you can't make it in real-time, you'll get the recording in your email.
I'm also available for private and corporate classes. I'm offering complimentary corporate classes to nonprofit and not-for-profit organizations. Reply to this email if you're interested!
Yoga of action ✨
I'm tithing 10% of my income from my online yoga classes to organizations that fight against white supremacy. Every month, I'll pick a new charity and highlight it below. If these charities call to you, please consider contributing (no matter how small).
My June donation will go to The Okra Project, a collective that brings home-cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans people experiencing food insecurity. The Okra Project is all about disrupting the idea that luxury is exclusive by making healthy and wholesome food accessible to the most marginalized people. In addition, the organization is currently increasing its mutual aid funding to Black Trans people in need.
Have a suggested charity? Leave a comment to share.
Yoga of words ✨
Grab a pen, grab your journal. Have a seat somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes, take a breath in, and let it go. Your weekly writing prompt is below.
Write about where you're from. You can write on your own (15 minutes) or use this wonderful template by George Ella Lyon.
Feel free to share what you've written by clicking the link below. Of course, you’re also welcome to keep this practice as just yours.
Other musings ✨
Seven ways of journaling if you’re new to the practice (Sunday Soother)
Meet the Hindu priest officiating L.G.B.T.Q. weddings (The New York Times)
We will not go back to normal; normal never was (Instagram)
Cook: Toasted coconut breakfast porridge (Pinch of Yum)
Shop: Terracotta + rust scalloped placemats (Bed Threads)
Sometimes, the lesson is that I survived. If that is all you took out of this, then really, that should be enough. (Vox)
On repeat: Easy Love by Kid Froopy (Spotify)
I'm here for you—for class, for advice, for anything that you need or would like to share. Always a phone call/text/DM/reply button away.
LBC ✨